More material on relationship and getting back together with your ex

In this blog I’ve gone through the basics in getting your ex back and how to grow as a person. There are so much material on the internet about relationships and how to get your ex back I don’t even know where to start.

However, I can let you in on one source where you are able to find some golden nuggets.

The site is called “Meet for Sweet” and holds an enormous amount of material that will help you in your personal growth as well as your future relationships. Discover yourself by clicking here.

My conclusion on how to get your ex back

As you might have noticed throughout this guide the focus is not about getting your ex back. I’m sorry if that’s disappointing to you. However, you need to step up and be the person that fullfils yourself and doesn’t count on anyone else to do so.

The main focus should be on forgetting about your ex and at the same time become the best you that you could ever become. This journey will make you grow as a person. When you come out in the end of the pipeline as the best you, it’s not even sure that your ex is the one you want to be with.

However, if it is, go get him or her back!
And remember, never stop reading and learning!

Do not try to complete each other

As mentioned above; you should not try to complete each other. If you start noticing that you are only doing things that both of you want to do, you really need to step on the break and think about what you are doing. Obviously you should have fun together and go on double dates and so on. But if you want to go rock climbing and your partner doesn’t feel that it’s the tiny bit interesting, you should still go. If you don’t go you both resent your own needs and at the same time you conform to your partner. These are two very dangerous combinations in a relationship.

Simply keep focusing on doing things you enjoy, if that isn’t to your partners liking, then you are with the wrong person.

After you got back together

You have now dated for a while. It is utterly important that you stay focused on not going back to the one your ex broke up with. It shouldn’t be too hard to focus on this since you did such a great job becoming this person. It is a part of you now, it is you.

Be the one you have become

Keep on going with your busy life. Don’t quit hobbies or being with friends simply because she wants to be with you. You should not be together all the time, not even if you live together. A relationship works best if there are two individuals who has their own lives. Of course a great part of your lives

should be shared. But you should never hesitate to get a new hobby or going some where you want to go, just because your partner doesn’t want to.

You need to be the one your ex fell in love with again. This is an interesting, handsome, active and healthy person. These are also things that defines you and your well being. If you stop being this person, you will go back to old tracks where your joy and confirmation comes from your partner instead of yourself and your own activities. This also means you will become the same person that your partner once broke up with.

The date went well, now what?

You keep on going with your life as before the date. Keep hanging out with friends and do the finger painting that you have gotten really awesome at. By the way, you should be fluent in at least one more language by now.

Would she contact you, that’s awesome, she got impressed with the new you. If not, do not rush and contact her again the first thing you do. After some time passes you should contact her again, asking her out. This time you should do something else, not coffee. Do something that gets your feelings going, happiness, excitement etc.

If she doesn’t want to go out a second time you start over from page one. She probably won’t be telling it to your face, but instead making up excuses for not meeting with you. If she declines your offer a third time, don’t bother she doesn’t deserve you.

So you are meeting with your ex

As mentioned in the call, it is very important that there is a calm and comfortable setting. Of course you will be nervous, who wouldn’t? But you will soon be talking about how that mutual friend who did this and that.

Start out by giving her a hug. Remember to keep the ”date” under an hour. Let her know that you have something to do. You have a new life now, you should meet with friends or go do your new hobby of nitting. You shouldn’t be lying about this stuff, you should actually be doing them. Again, not for her but for you.

Talk, giggle, have fun. If your subject are wandering off to some bad memories just say that it’s in the passed and move on to happier stuff. Try touching her in a smooth way. She might have some ice cream on her nose or a leaf in her hair. Touching and physical contact will make you feel close to each other.

Make contact

Now it is time to contact your ex. If you have followed this guide thoroughly you will be a person with confident. Remember, you are not the same person as when you broke up, this might be scary for your ex. It’s very important that you are being yourself, the one self that your ex fell in love with for the first time. This doesn’t just apply to situations like this, you should always be your self, your best self.

Your ex haven’t heard from you in a while so she will most likely be glad to hear from you. Go ahead and give her a call. If she doesn’t answer, don’t call again. She will see that she missed out on a call from you and hopefully call you back. If she doesn’t call you back, wait a few days before you contact her again. If she answers, start out with some small talk and ask if she wants to meet for a coffee. This might be a big deal for her, it’s up to you to make her feel comfortable and that a coffee isn’t a big thing. ”Hehe, don’t worry, it’s just a coffee”.

Have in mind that this call might reveal that she actually started seeing someone else, don’t worry. By now you are confident that she isn’t the only one out there. It might heart a bit, but moving on is the only option here.

Do you really want your ex back?

Here is the thing. When you have done the things written in this blog before, and done it right you won’t have the same feelings as when you broke up. You are now realizing that you actually can live without her, that she weren’t the only one for you and *drum roll* that you won’t die alone!

So now you have to ask your self, is she the one you want to be with or were you just delusional when the break up was new? This is a relevant question to ask your self. Above, I mentioned the fact that we can practically brainwash ourselves. This can happen at an unconscious level as well. If you, from the day of the break up, tell yourself that you belong to your ex you will think that this is the case. Now go ahead and zoom out, ask your self the following: “Is this really the case?”.

It’s very easy to get stuck in a train of thought if you don’t stop for a while, zoom out, and ask yourself if this is still the fact. This is a very good experiment to do. Simply stop, think and feel. Most of the time, you have tricked your brain into thinking in a special way. Now, focus and think the same thought, is the feeling the same as it used to be?

So basically if you have followed the guide thus far you should not have any feelings remotely closed to what you felt before. If you are still convinced that you guys should be together, then let’s move on to the next chapter.

The crappy days and bio-chemistry

I might make it sound so easy. But I know that there will be those days where you crawl up in the shower crying like a newborn feeling sorry for your self. This is ok. In fact, it is more than ok. Obviously you are sad, you got dumped from the one you love, that hurts a lot.

What might help is to think that it will get better, and that is not a pat on the shoulder and a “there-there”, it’s a fact.

As you might have learned if you paid attention I school, us humans are simply one big chunk of bio-chemistry. I want to aim at four very important factors that make us happy; dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins. These are what I would like to call “happy-chemicals”. Now this is not a lesson in chemistry, but it is really good to know the reason why we feel like we do, so we can do something about it.

Dopamine is released when we reach goals for example. This is a very powerful “drug”. You get it when you achieve something, small or big. Setting up goals will help you get the dopamine released. ”Checking of” something on a to-do-list will release dopamine and give you a little rush, it’s awesome! Try setting up daily goals for yourself, preferably on paper. It might be easy tasks as making the bed.

Serotonin is released when you feel significant or important. This is the reason why you feel lonely and depressed when someone leaves you. Yes, it’s depressing, but it’s still only chemicals in your head. A trick to “fool” the brain is to think back at moments when you felt significant. Since the brain have trouble telling the difference between imagination and real life the effect will be similar.

Oxytocin is the reason a relationship keeps going for years and years. It builds trust, and creates intimacy. The evolution has made oxytocin be released after orgasm so that the man and woman will feel a relationship if the orgasm would become an offspring. A simple way to get a release of oxytocin is to hug someone. Oxytocin is good for the immune system and reduces stress. So hugging is good for health reasons!

Endorphins are released during pain and stress and will help to reduce anxiety and depression. This is a good reason to go to the gym. When working out really hard you feel pain, however, your body still have the strength to continue going, thanks to the endorphins. Endorphins are the reason we get a “second-wind” when doing sports. You also get a shot of endorphins when you laugh

So all in all, in order to be happy you simply have to make your bed, clean your home, make yourself significant, hug, and most important, exercise! Go ahead and create your own ”cocktail” made out of happy chemicals. It really does work!

One thing about being attractive

We are experts brainwashing ourselves. If we tell ourselves something repeatedly we eventually believe in this. Our brain works that way. We can work this to our favor. This both sounds weird and feels weird, but it really works. If you tell yourself that you are attractive repeatedly you will feel attractive and you will therefore be attractive. See, attractiveness has nothing to do with looks, at all. Attractiveness is mainly inside your brain. However, this is another story.